Do you ever have those moments where you feel like giving up? It's like the more you do, the more you fall behind. And when you have time to do something, your mind is so congested that you don't know what to do first. Sadly, this has been my feelings for a week. I push and push myself until what's left is a very tired mother who puts a smile on her face, but who feels like laying in the bed for an entire week.
Today is supposed to be the day where I catch up on things I needed to do, edit pictures, blog, laundry, dishes, so on and so on. Doug so graciously offered to take Natalie to school and Ella to Melissa's so I could play catchup.
After waking up at 6 (1 hour after I normally do, yay!) I helped Doug get the girls stuff up and get them dressed and in the car. Guess what I did next.......went back to bed!! I turned the TV on and snuggled under my blanket. I had a temporary moment of deja vu. Before Doug, when it was just Cayli and I, I would go back to bed after getting her up and ready for school, that is as long as I didn't have to work that morning. It was a good feeling but at the same time I knew there was so much I could be doing. Everyone is always telling me to rest, rest, rest but when I try to rest, I sit there and feel bad for not doing something more productive. It's a hideous, endless, cycle.
After a 2 hour nap this morning I laid in bed thinking about all the stuff to do but not knowing which one to do first. I did know something I was going to do first thing.....coffee. I had 1 instant coffee bag left and I wanted to savor every last drop because I knew I would want more throughout the day. I retrieved my laptop, turned the TV to CSI and sat on the couch covered up by a blanket. To read this you would think it sounded like the perfect morning but unfortunately I sat there thinking the same thing but not feeling it.
I opened up my blogger prepared to post my weekly goals (that I'm 2 days behind on) and also post on some events that happened throughout the week but the only thing I could think of was how I had failed on getting it done on Monday. For about 15 minutes I contemplated doing the post or not. Nobody would read it I kept telling myself and then I started thinking about my goals and priorities in life.
How do I put this.......I am a very busy mom. Here's a quick look into my week:
Monday: Get up at 5. Get the girls up and dressed and while Cayli goes to Nana's (because I leave out too early to take her to school) I put Naty and Ella into the car and take Ella to Melissa's. After sitting through Atlanta traffic for anywhere from 30 min to 2 hours, I usually arrive to school late and rush Naty into the office while she's still trying to wake up. After getting back in my car I take a huge breath and most of the time find a parking space at the back of the school and read my book until I fall asleep. Other times I run errands (as much as I can being an hour and a half away from home.) I then wake up to my alarm and drive around to the pickup location to await the release of my child. After picking up Naty, we drive to McDonald's where I get us some lunch and then jump on the interstate for the ride home. We arrive back to Calhoun at 3:30 and I run by Melissa's to pick up Ella. Usually on Monday's I get the night off but 2 Mondays of the month our Georgia Pines therapist comes for the Ella and the first Monday of the month I have a Girl Scout leader's meeting. After a late dinner, bath's, and getting bags ready for the next day it's finally bedtime around 11.
Tuesday: Same as Monday's. Usually on Tuesday's Cayli has basketball practice that evening. Home by 8, dinner, bath's, and packing for the next day.
Wednesday: Same get up routine. As soon as we get back to Calhoun I have to drop Naty off at Infinity for therapy at 3:30, race to Melissa's to pick up Ella, and be back at Infinity by 4 for Ella's therapy. After leaving there at 4:30 we arrive home by 4:45, long enough for me to put in a load of laundry and pick up a little and then it's back on the road to Adairsville for church at 7. By the time we get home from church it's around 8:30 and then we rush to eat dinner, take bath's, and pack for the next day.
Thursday: Same get up routine. After picking up Ella, I get home to do more laundry, pick up the house and then leave to go to Girl Scouts at 6, not to mention the basketball practices Cayli's been having around 7:30. After doing that it's back home to dinner, bath's, and packing.
Friday: Same get up routine. Thank goodness it's a half day at the school so we get out at 12:20, home by 1:30, pick up Ella, and back to the school to pick Cayli up. We finally get home around 2:30 and lately we've been having a bball game on Friday evenings.
Saturday: Usually Saturday's are easy breezy but sometimes I schedule photo shoots for the weekends and there is a baby shower, birthday party, or some other get together to attend.
Sunday: Get up at 8, get kids and myself ready for church, arrive late, get out at 12:30 and then go eat with my sister at El Pueblito's in Aville. After that it's usually either a photo shoot or clean house. Then we get ready that evening to start the next week.
The reason I decided to write this post was not for any sympathy or for comfort. A lot of times, I even have to remind myself that I'm not supermom. I beat myself up because I can't even accomplish a few weekly goals or even any posts on my blog, I don't have time to play bball with my child, and I don't have time to sit down with my husband and just talk about our days.
Sometimes I just feel like giving up but after looking around at my many blessings from my Lord and Savior, I take a deep breath and and smile because I know everything's going to be ok.
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